According to a pregnancy calendar, I shouldn't have seen the doctor yesterday (Wednesday) cause Critter should have been in my arms last Saturday.
Doc checked me out on the inside. Critter sure is nestled up in there! Doc looked thru my belly. Heartbeat seems good, there's fluid surrounding the baby.
I'm 4 days overdue and not that Doc is worried but because of my age; hey, I thought age was only a number, besides I'm not sporting a walker yet or have blue hair; he wants me to go for a Sonogram and fetal monitoring as soon as possible (I got an appt for today). And then see him again on Saturday (19th) morning.
And if Critter isn't here by next Wednesday (23rd), the nasty word 'Induce' came up. No way do I want to be induced!
I went for the Sonogram / monitoring this morning. Blood Pressure, Temperature, Urine in a cup. If I can actually see past my belly, I might be able to aim it in the cup! Measured my belly. From the top to the bottom it's 38-1/2"
Into a room I went. I shared the room with another preggo with a curtain dividing us. Nurse/Tech hooked up two round flat things on my belly to monitor Critter's heart for 15 minutes. The machine was turned on and the band started to play. I could hear Critter's heart thumping away. I could also hear my 'roommate's' baby's heart beating. For the first couple of minutes it was interesting listening to what seemed like a group of tone deaf teenagers practicing for the Battle of the Bands with their older sibling's out of tune instruments. BUT 10 minutes into it I was ready to confess everything and tear apart the floor boards to reveal the Tell-Tale Heart!
Nurse/Tech was looking at a computer screen with squiggly lines and #'s and from where I was laying all hooked up to the machine, I can see numbers changing from 148, 151, 155 back to 148. What does that mean??
Then off to the sonogram. Expose the overdue belly, machine went on my mound and Critter was on the screen. Measured the head, the stomach, it's femur, the fluid, etc., etc. Is it okay? Is everything fine? Why can't I find out the results now instead of waiting till I see my Doc on Saturday?????
Sonogrammer said Critter right now is estimated at 7 lbs 15 ounces. WHAT!!!!!!! That's almost 8lbs!!! That's huge! Oh my goodness......How the heck is Critter gonna come out of 'THERE'?????? Ouch! Ouch! and OUCH!!!!!!
GET THIS PUDGY BABY OUT OF ME NOW! or I'm going to put it on a diet till next Wednesday, planned Induction Day.
I've been waiting a long time For this moment to come I'm destined For anything...at all Downtown lights will be shining On me like a new diamond Ring out under the midnight hour No one can touch me now And I can't turn my back It's too late ready or not at all - Waiting, Green Day
So I'll be waiting 'cus I cant smile until I see your smile I'll be waiting there's nothing else that I would rather do I'll be waiting 'cus I can't sleep until I hear your heart I'll be waiting patiently I'll wait right here for you
Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting Patiently I'll wait right here for you Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting Patiently I wait - Waiting, Beyonce
With only one day till Critter is 'DUE', I've been reflecting about this pregnancy.
Looking back I hate to admit, I've had a really easy time. Compared to some other pregnancies I've heard and/or read about, mine was a breeze. Sure I was nauseous in the beginning, congested most of the time, my back aches and my feet are swollen to the size of cinder blocks. But the reality is, I felt good most of the time and had no major health issues and I'm thankful.
Some women love being pregnant and feel gorgeous; I'm looking at you Heidi Klum; I can't say I feel / felt that way. It's been an experience, that's for sure. It was interesting seeing my body go thru changes but I didn't feel gorgeous or more of a woman.
Will I miss being pregnant? Probably not. Will I look back at this time in my life fondly. Of Course.
I hate to admit but I do enjoy when Critter moves around inside. I actually enjoy sitting around with hubby watching my belly. There were specific times Critter was most active; 7am-10am, 1pm-3pm and 7pm-Midnight. In the evenings, we'd sit around watching it, waiting...waiting for movements. I'd feel Critter moving and the the show would start. We became active participants by egging it on.
- I'll miss Hubby tickling my belly to get a reaction from critter. Critter would kick or jab and hubby would push the spot and critter would kick back. - I'll miss Hubby talking into my belly, telling Critter to kick Mommy. - I'll miss playing 'Guess the Body Part'. We'd feel around my belly and try to figure out if it's Critter's foot, elbow, hand, etc. - I'll miss Hubby massaging my cinder block feet every night. - I'll miss laying in bed and Hubby holding me and caressing my belly.
These have been my favorite things about being pregnant.
Ripples in stomach and jabs in my belly Hubby pressing me where I'm swelly Critter pushing back and my tummy springs These are a few of my favorite things
With the back pains With the pound gains When I'm feeling fat I simply remember my favorite things And then I don't feel soooo bad
The day after I deliver, for lunch I want a Smoked Turkey Sandwich with Pepper Jack Cheese on a soft baguette with mustard (not the cheap kind, but with real seeds), roasted red peppers, lettuce, tomato and pickles.
And for dinner, I want Sushi from our favorite Sushi place. I want a Sashimi Salad to start, then some hand rolls and sushi that include, spicy tuna, eel and avocado, yellowtail and scallion, salmon skin and cucumber.
Was today my last doctor's visit? It should be, given that my Estimated Due Date is Saturday, June 12. But I have another appointment next week with the Man with the degrees on the wall just in case Critter is not punctual.
I told Doc, Critter isn't moving as much anymore and asked if I should be worried. He looked at critter intently and said everything seems normal and if the baby is moving several times a day not to worry. That's a relief.
Recently we've been going out with friends a lot. "Let's have dinner before you have the baby." Our friends said. AND not only one set of friends, but so many have said that. Do they think we're never going to go out again after Critter arrives.
Maybe they think as soon as we come home from the hospital, Critter is going to leap out of the car seat, run to the front door and bolt it shut. It turns around and with an evil grin on its face says: BWWAAAAAAA! You're trapped now! I will destroy your social life. You ain't never getting out now!
With only a few days till Critter is 'DUE' we still haven't settled on what to legally call Critter!
We have one name we like if it's a ______. And since (almost) everyone thinks it's going to be a _________ based on my belly shape, Hubby has been brainwashed into believing it and won't think of names for the other sex. Everything I've suggested if it's not a _______, he's poo pooed.
People are talkin', talkin' about Critter I hear them whisper, you won't believe it They think it's a _________.
Everyone and their mother (and strangers) is predicting the sex of Critter. It seems like lots of people know what a preggo belly shape has inside.
Every time I see Mom: "100% it's a _____." Friend: "I looked exactly like you. You're going to have a _____."
The other day, I was getting Chinese take-out. Standing and waiting for my order, a woman says: 'Whatcha got in there? Looks like a ______.' 'I don't know what I'm having. We decided not to find out.' I politely replied. She then walked all around me and checked me out from all angles. "Oh, it's definitely a _____." And then we had a lengthy conversation.
Hubby and I went out to dinner the other night. The woman serving our food "It's a ______, right?" We replied that we don't know, etc. A convo developed and ended with her pulling out pics of her 3 day old granddaughter.
Time is running out, So place your bets now! Are you going to be right? Will it be a boy or a girl?
The two books I've been reading both talk about creating a Birth Plan.
And expectant mother outlines the birth scenario; how she'd ideally like labor and delivery to play out. It's between the parents and Doctor/hospital or birthing center. It can be very basic or extremely detailed.
Some things that a Birth Plan can cover are: - When you'll go to hospital or birthing center - Walking around or sitting up during labor - Eating and drinking during labor - Personalizing the room with music, lighting, etc. - Using mirrors if you want to see the birth - Use of IV - Use of pain medications - Fetal monitoring - Inducing labor - Massage - Vacuum or forceps use - Father aiding in deliver/cutting the cord And so on and so on
Geez, I just thought you go into the room, push and yell at the top of your lungs and then you hear the baby cry hours later.
I didn't create a 'Birth Plan' to hand out to all parties involved in the room. I really don't care about music and lighting. And my doctor will guide me if things (emergency measures) need to happen. The two things that are important to me (being as upright as possible and nursing critter right away), my doctor and the hospital encourage anyway.
My ideal Birth Plan would go something like this. - A mild contraction happens at home. I say "Hubby, we should go to the hospital." - We drive to hospital, stopping before to have a delicious lunch and a pedicure. - We're admitted. Nurse checks me out and says "You're ready to deliver." - We're in the birthing room laughing, joking around. I'm not in any pain. My doctor comes in and says "Push", I gently push and Critter is in my hands. The entire process takes 10 minutes
This morning when I saw the man with the medical degrees on the wall, he rubbed the jelly on my belly. We were checking out critter on the screen and at some point he said: "You just had a contraction!" I didn't feel a thing. But for the past several days, once a day I have been feeling cramp like somethings. Can they be Braxton Hicks?
When I started gaining pregnancy weight, I've been packing much Back, thanks to Baby! Sir Mix-a-lot would be happy.
What I didn't anticipate is packing back pain! OMGosh Becky! Look at my back. It's so sore. I feel like, one of those hunched over girls. But, you know, who understands this back pain? It only comes to me, because, I feel like a total preggo, 'kay? I mean, my back, it just so hurts. I can't believe it's just so stiff, it's like, out there, I mean - ouch. Look! I'm just so ... in pain!
I'm tired of books Saying back pain is the thing Take the average preggo and ask her that She packs much back (pain)
I want to Dial 1-900-FIXABACK And kick these nasty pains.
My memory isn't the best. After I got pregnant, it' got worse.
The other day in reference to my memory, Hubby said: "I hope that while you're out, you don't ever forget to take the baby out of the car and take it with you."
How the heck does someone forget to do that?? I may have my ditsy moments, but I'm not an idiot. I think!?! Critter is going to change my entire lifestyle and I believe me I'll remember that....and remember to grab Critter and drag it wherever I go.
Maybe to be on the safe side, I should get a tattoo on my hand "Take the Baby with You"
"Don't buy clothes for the baby. Everyone will give you clothes." So many people said.
What if we don't get clothes? What if people give us clothes but weeks after critter is born?
We're not hippies, Critter can't be naked! So, we bought a few things in neutral unisex colors. And when I say a few, I mean a few, cause there isn't much available in non-gender specific colors!!
I wanted to wash everything before putting it away. I took everything out of the packaging and made a pile of critter's laundry.
We live in a building and have a common laundry room that all the tenants use. Every week I go down there and do a few loads. They just redid the room and upgraded the machines to the HE ones. The room is bright, it's clean, it's nice.
Hubby saw the pile of baby belongings and said: "I don't think you should wash them in the machines. You don't know what people put in there." "um, I think they put their dirty clothes in and thru technology the clothes got clean." I replied. "I think you should hand wash everything." He said. "huh?!?!? Hand wash all these things?" I said, looking at the pile. I do hand wash delicate things; like lacy undergarments, silk and cashmere items. BUT cotton onsies?!?!?!? "I'm serious. I don't want the baby getting a rash or a skin infection." He persisted.....and persisted...and persisted.
Not to argue, I disinfected the bathroom sink, just like I do before I wash delicate items and I started washing what seemed like doll clothing. I took one item at a time, soaked it; then I added some detergent and washed it, rinsed, then added detergent and washed it again; rung it and hung it on a drying rack. I repeated the steps for more onsies, sleeping onsies, a few socks and hats. I was exhausted after washing only a few items and I had many more things to wash; more onsies, receiving blankets, Co-Sleeper sheets, waterproof liners, etc.
ENOUGH!!! This is insane. He wants things hand washed, he can do it himself!!
I'm taking the rest of the stuff down to the laundry room and using the washing machines that EVERYONE (Yikes!) in the building uses!
Doc walked into the exam room today and Hubby and I bombarded him with questions. Q: "If it's a boy who does the circumcision?" A: He does. Q: "One of the nurses said I have to take a Tuberculosis test. Why?" A: No, I don't. And he's not sure why they would say that. Q: "Are you scissor happy? Or will you let me labor thru this?" (Meaning will he be quick to perform an Episiotomy - which I don't want) A: No. Unless there's a health risk to the baby. He believes in as natural a birth as possible. Q: "Will you be opposed to me squatting during labor?" A: I can do whatever I need to deliver this child. The bed reclines fully upright.
YEAH! YEAH!! AND ANOTHER YEAH!!!
He examined my innards. "Is the baby breech?" He sounded alarmed. "Let's check it out."
He rubbed the jelly on my belly and put the wand to the mound and critter was on the screen. "Okay, there's the head. In the right position. The baby hasn't dropped* yet." "Is that bad?" I asked "No. Just means you won't deliver anytime soon."
* During the final weeks of pregnancy, the baby drops in the belly to get ready to come out into the world. Well, mine has decided it's very comfy up in there and doesn't want to be a lowlife.
***WARNING: Adult Content*** Before I got knocked up I really didn't know much about pregnancy. Actually, not sure I know much now either! But one of the things I thought happened during pregnancy was your TaTas filled up and became these huge jugs of milk. Thinking, they'll need to serve a real purpose now besides for Hubby's entertainment.
WRONG!!! Or at least not with mine. Sure they've grown a little bit, but I thought I'd need two wheel barrels to put them in and push them around.
Mama's milk is the best source of nutrients for a baby AND is packed with substances that help a baby fight illness. There are also great benefits to the mother in fighting some cancers. Etc., Etc., Etc. You can read all about it here: American Academy of Pediatrics Womenshealth.gov
I plan on nursing 'TLC' or I hope to... if I can. But looking down at my food source, I'm not sure 'TLC' will have enough for one meal. I mentioned it to a few mothers and they all said, not to worry, the breasts fill in with milk a few days AFTER childbirth.
uuuum, excuse me, pardon me, uuuuum, I have to ask...but....what am I supposed to feed The Little Critter the first couple of days???
The phone doesn't ring and there's a lovely recorded voice telling me to wake up. My alarm clock doesn't go off alerting me it's time to rise and shine.
BUT every morning at 4:00am, my bladder sends a signal to my sleeping head. I do the 'Roll, Drop, Push', get on my feet and in the dark waddle to the bathroom, bumping into every wall along the way.
And then I try to go back to sleep only to toss and turn (okay, not turn cause now Hubby has to push me so I can turn) for two to three hours until 7:00am when Critter decides it's time to take a fork and spoon in its hands and start pounding my inner walls for breakfast.
This morning, the bladder alarm went off at 2:30am!!!! AND again at 4:30am!!! AND at 6:30am!!! Is the end near?
Doc moved the paper robe to expose my belly so he can rub the Critter viewing camera over it.
"No stretch marks." He said. "I dip myself in a vat of Shea Butter every morning." I replied. "Most people use Cocoa Butter. Why Shea Butter?" He asked. "I read somewhere, it's better for stretch marks. I went up to Harlem and got a tub of it." "The best thing for pregnancy stretch marks is Udder Butter." He responded. "Huh. What's Udder Butter?" I quizzed. He told me it's a lanolin based product used on cows udders to prevent chafing.
Ever since Hubby and I got married over 10 years ago my mother has been pestering us to have a baby. "Have some kids, it's good for your future." "Why can't you get pregnant? Go to my doctor, maybe he can help you." "Are you doing something not to get pregnant?" "I'm knitting baby booties, so you better get pregnant soon." She has said over the years to me or hubby.
When my mother found out I was pregnant, she cried, screamed, praised God and then told me not to have 'relations' (trying to keep it PG) with hubby, it may hurt the baby.
One Sunday we were at Mom's and Hubby was in the kitchen helping her.
She told him. "Forty days after this baby comes, you try to have another one".
I opened the refrigerator and put the box of cereal away. I opened the upper kitchen cabinet to get the milk. I opened the dresser drawer and forgot what I needed to get. I picked up the phone to call...now who did I just want to call?!?!?!? I was holding a spoon and it slipped out of my hand. I was going into the living room and walked into the wall. I was walking out of the bedroom and bumped into the bed.
"What was that?" Hubby asked as he lay in bed facing away from me. "What?" "That noise. Did you fall?" He turned and had a concerned look on his face. "I just got up." "But what was that loud noise?"
So, I'm having a hard time maneuvering out of bed! We have a platform bed. It's closer to the ground then one with a box spring and mattress. I roll over to the edge of the bed, drop my knees to the floor (that's the Thud he heard and now hears every morning) and push against the bed with my hands to be able to get up on my feet.
I've been waking up in the middle of the night for a bathroom run, so I have to do the 'Roll, Drop, Push" method twice every morning! [THUD] [THUD]
I'm now wearing knee pads and fatigues to bed. I tell you....it's a battle!
"Everyday it's a-gettin' closer Goin' faster than a roller coaster Love like yours will surely come my way"
I put on the paper robe and the tie wouldn't fit around my waist! Doc comes into the room. "What do you have in there?" He asked pointing to my belly. "You keep telling me it's a baby. Have you been lying to me all these months?" I responded.
He went over my results from last week's Sono. Everything is normal. He examined my innards - Normal He scanned Critter on the Screen - It was doing a tap dance.
"Okay, I'll see you in a week." He said. "A week!!!!" I shrieked. "I have more dates with you than with my Husband." "I'll bring flowers next time." Doc quipped.
What does someone do when they go into labor? Do you call your doctor? Call an ambulance? Do you go to the emergency room?
All these questions were answered when Hubby and I took a tour of the maternity ward (sounds like it's for psychos and I most likely will act like one when I'm there).
The' tour guide' insisted "DO NOT GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM". Okay, I didn't know that, it would have been the place I'd go. "Come into the hospital and go directly to the Maternity Ward. If you can't make it up there, tell them at information and assistance will be provided."
They showed us the Triage area where they monitor the Morther's progress, ie. are you really ready for the spectacle or do you have a way to go. Then we went into a 'Birthing Room'. It's a typical10X10 room with a stirrup bed that reclines up. So, this is where I'll forget all the relaxation techniques and scream my head off and curse the day I met my husband and blame all the pain on him. Then we headed to look at the room that the entire family (40+ people) will invade to gawk at Critter while I try to rest.
Tour Guide said a few things that were comforting. The Birthing Bed comes to an upright position. The most ideal position for birthing is upright. I read it in a book. This hospital encourages an immediate bond with the baby and will give Critter to me right after delivery to feed. I was going to mention to my Doctor next visit that I wanted to do that, and am so happy it'll happen.
We need to pay for Critter's college somehow so we'll be selling tickets to the Birth.
Get a front row seat (okay, standing room only) to the action. Time the contractions. Take bets on how many curse words I'll say. Sing songs to calm me down. Join the fun. RSVP now.
*Please note: NO videotaping allowed. You're not making a dime off my drama.
Updated on May 5th. I forgot to mention that in the Birthing Room is a television for our viewing pleasure. GREAT!! Hubby and I will be fighting over the remote just like we do at home. "I want to watch the Simpsons." " Well, I want to see what's on HGTV!"
Critter is going to be legally called Critter unless we come up with a name! I didn't realize it would be so hard to come up with one; in our case two (boy and girl names).
Both, Hubby and I want an Arabic name for Critter. A name that's soft and beautiful, but yet has a powerful meaning. Both our names begin with the letter 'H', so we figured let's find a name that begins with 'H'. We can be H to the 3rd power.
I searched every website out there for Arabic names. The lists weren't long in the H's..... Hasmat - like Hazardous Material? um, No Hamas - NO!!! that's bound to get Critter a butt whopping in school. Can't pronounce that one. I'm not even going to try to pronounce those.
Hubby likes a particular boy's 'H' name, which I don't. I've made fun of it in so many variations. Let's face it, as Critter's mother, if I can't pronounce its name or can easily make fun of it, Critter has no chance of surviving in school.
I didn't come across one nice name beginning with H!!!!
Our last name begins with the letter 'M'. I thought it might be cool if we found a name beginning with the letter 'A', so it's initials can be AM and if we have another child we'll give it a name that begins with the letter 'P'. They can be known as AM and PM.
We're moving on to other letters of the alphabet or we can name it after a fruit or something really odd and people will either think we're hippies, freaks or celebrities.
I had my 3rd trimester sonogram (probably my last) this morning.
I pull into the parking lot, get out, and tell the attendant that I'm only going to be about an hour. So they don't bury my car in another field or high up on those car lifts.
"Are you sure only an hour? It looks like you may be here for a few days cause you're about to pop." He said looking at my belly. And then he adds "I'm just kidding, mama."
Hey mister, I know I'm huge but 1) leave the jokes to the professionals and 2) don't quit your day job to be the opening act for Chris Rock.
Sonogram was routine. Zoom into that part, freeze frame, measure.
"The baby has curly hair." Sonogrammer said. "Huh?" She froze it on Critter's head and pointed out its hair. It was sticking up like a mohawk.
Lately, I've been wearing my most comfy 'ballet' flats. I've been alternating between a black leather pair and a black suede pair. The other day, I come home, look down at my feet and the flesh was oozing out of the sides and top of my shoes. They've risen like muffins in a cupcake tray.
Later that night, I was laying on the sofa and looking at my feet and thought; why are Barney Rubble's feet on my legs?!?!?
We live in a 2-bedroom, 980 sq. ft. apartment. It seems we don't have any space for another piece of paper, let alone another human being. We use our 2nd bedroom as our home office and every wall/corner is taken up by either a desk, file cabinet or bookcase.
I can put critter in our room with us, but Mommy and Daddy need privacy to hopefully give critter a critterly sibling.
If only we can figure out a way to hang the crib from the ceiling over the desk and when critter needs to take a nap/sleep, we press a button and it comes down. Critter gets in, press the button and viola! Crib goes up. Hey don't judge. Look up in your own homes; there's lots of wasted air space.
I'm eying the file cabinet drawer. Measuring it. Mmmmmm, seems like the perfect size for a 20 inch baby.
Only one thing to do: Make room. We got rid of lots of things. Do we really need a Spain Travel Guidebook from2004? Garbage. We were able to eliminate one bookcase and rearranged the room so the office stuff is on one side.
Critter is getting half a room! That's plenty of space for a crib, dresser, changing table, play center, toy storage bins, etc. No? Actually, Critter will only have a crib, a table and the closet in the room. When I talk into my belly to Critter, I repeat the famous words of the great modern architect Mies van der Rohe, "Less is More" We decided to creatively partition* the room and critter is gonna have to learn to sleep while listening to us pound on the computer keyboard as we work.
We're not doing a 'theme' half-a-nursery. I see a baby room where everything is matchy matchy and every surface is covered in a princess or a steam engine motif and I want to barf! Critter's 'half room' aka 'Nurserice' is going to be a cute mix of eclecticism (translation - stuff we already have or will get at a bargain price).
We painted one wall a baby friendly yellow and the rest of the 'decor' we'll add to once critter arrives to let us know which sexist pink or blue color to accent with.
One thing I WILL NOT DO is a wallpaper border and critter will have to live the rest of its life knowing that its Mommy thinks wallpaper borders are tacky.
* creatively means: we haven't figure out how yet. I did see a curveable curtain rod in last year's Ikea catalog, but it's not in this year's :-(
Through out, I've been craving spicy food! Bring on the chili powder, crushed red pepper, Tabasco sauce and chili paste. My husband's is Pakistani and there's no denying they cook spicy but he can't tolerate the really spicy food as much as I can now. I don't want burn your tongue spice but enough to give everything a kick....and I don't mean from Critter.
mmmmmm, I want Tater Tots dipped in Tabasco Sauce.
Hubby will be speaking to someone on the phone and I'll hear: "She's fine. Getting big." And then he'll laugh hysterically, while throwing a jab about my 'unique' appearance.
"You should come by the office so people can see what you look like." He suggested multiple times.
Hubby will be outside the car speaking with his friend, while I sit inside. He taps on the window and I roll it down. "Come out of the car, *friends name* wants to see what you look like." He says giggling.
It's like he's never seen a pregnant woman before! His 7 siblings have 24 kids amongst them, 23 pregnancies (1 set of twins). I know this is all new to him personally and he's never seen ME looking like this, but I feel like he's using me for 'Show and Tell.' I'm the little oddity he pulls out and shows off. Maybe we go on tour and he can sell tickets. I picture him in front of a curtain with a bullhorn yelling: "Behold, my pregnant wife! " The curtain parts, I'm standing there. People Gasp.
Yesterday, I was sitting in the Doctor's waiting room with two other big bellied broads. I start a conversation with one. "When are you due? I asked, cause she looked H U G E! "Next week. "You must be anxious." "Yes, You'll get there also. When are you due." She politely questioned. "Two months. And I'm getting anxious now. I can imagine how you feel." I said and that was the last time I uttered more than 3 words cause she kept talking and talking and talking. AND wouldn't let me get a word in.
I learned: It's her second child, first is an 8 year old boy, this one is also a boy, she's from Brazil, she just moved to the nabe and then got pregnant and didn't know she was pregnant cause she wasn't feeling any symptoms until the 5th month when she went to the Doctor complaining of stomach. pain. Her 1st delivery was a C-section. This one is also a scheduled C-section. The school her son goes to gives lots of homework and he doesn't have time to do it all....and on and on and on. 15 minutes of listening to her, I was so happy when they called my name.
I thought only 1st time Moms-to-be JABBERED away about their pregnancy. She would not shut up! I wanted to tell her all about my pregnancy :-(
I was at a party once and sitting next to a few women. One being my sister-n-law and the others complete strangers to both of us. The conversation quickly turned to their children, then childbirth. "My son will only eat chicken, he won't touch beef." "I tried that formula and it wasn't...." "I was in labor for 21 hours." "The doctor had to cut..." "I bled for...."
It amazed me that total strangers can discuss these things in detail. Well, not having kids and utterly disgusted by the graphic details I quickly got up and moved to another group of women, older women. Hopefully they'd forgotten their childbirth experiences and won't recant the details to each other. Oh good, they're talking about their arthritis.
I never wanted to be the type of woman that only discussed her children with others. I think there are other topics in life. No?
Well, I've joined the mommy clutch! Since I've been pregnant, all I've been talking about with others is about being pregnant. Someone asks how I'm doing and I hold them hostage and tell them every detail of my health. People ask a question that only requires a yes or no answer, but I go on and on with details. I can't stop jabbering about every movement the critter makes. I want people to hear about my experiences whether they care or not.
If you see me wobbling down the street, don't stop me unless you have an hour to spare. Don't even make eye contact! Cause I will stop YOU and tell you about my pregnancy....whether I know you or not.
"I'm so excited for you. I want to get you something. Let them know what you want."
YEAH! I like presents.
So what's a woman 30 pounds heavier, always sweating, hungry and running to the bathroom every hour to do. Drag her 'non-shopping', 'dreads going into stores' husband to a Baby Gear Warehouse to NOT buy items, but to PICK them out.
On our way to 'Baby Gear Overload Store', I told Hubby: "You have to be patient during this process."
You fill out forms, they arm you with a scanner, shove a 'checklist' of 'must-have items' into your hand (One hundred and fifty three items on the list!), turn you around, sound the gun and off you go.
Hubby and I agreed we don' t want / need everything. I don't need a Footmuff - whatever that is, and a nursing stool - huh???. We just want the basic necessities. I HATE CLUTTER! We went up and down aisles, consulting the 'must-have list', selecting, scanning, arguing and arguing.
Since we don't know the sex of the critter, it was difficult picking out items. Most everything and I mean everything is gender specific based on color / pattern. WHY IS EVERYTHING PINK OR BLUE?!?!?!? There were very limited items in neutral colors. I got pissed, upset at society, hated the manufacturers and every sweat shop in China for making these things.
While the store was big, they didn't have the stroller we (really hubby) picked out. Huh?!?!? We previously 'test drove' it at a competitor. Well color me unhappy.
Section by section, we went through the store. Looking and selecting. I had no idea you can get a Tub Spout Cover, and guess what...I didn't register for one!
Crib Mobiles, they only had two to select from! What??? I want something bright and engaging, but not tacky and blares obnoxious music. I didn't scan anything.
Bedding - YIKES! A fitted crib sheet, a ruffly thingie, a crib bumper and a baby size comforter for how much??? And why oh why are they sooooo ugly or should I say fugly! Again 90% of them were pink or blue!! So many had jungle themes. What is up with all the animal prints! And I'm not talking about cute little animals but huge HUGE prints. My goodness, the monkey's head is bigger than mine on the comforter. From a child's perspective that has to be scary. Heck, every time I turned around and saw that monkey looking at me, I jumped! I was so sick of 'the monkey' that I wanted to go to the zoo and hunt it down.
Yep, you guessed it, we didn't register for a bedding set.
"Is this the only bathtub they have?" I yelled at Hubby. "They only have one to choose from! What kind of a democracy is this?" "Why are you yelling at me, just scan it." He said aggravated. We had been in the store for three hours at that point and were both irked. "It's your fault that you knocked me up and this tub is ugly. It doesn't even come with any toys, not even a little rubber ducky. Every kid needs a rubber ducky!" I cried as I reluctantly scanned it. "Where are the rubber duckies? I need to register for one!"
"I'll buy the stupid rubber duck later. Are we done?" Hubby insisted
Five hours of drudging through pink, blue and occasionally unisex crappy items that we "settled" for; 6 bathroom runs later, hunger pangs from lack of food except the crackers I found buried in my purse, I wanted to be done.
I flung the scanner at the smiling woman behind the counter "We're done." I barked. "Did you find everything, you were looking for?" Smiling employee said perkily. "Nope, and there's a monkey loose in bedding. We're tired and will come back and finish registering." I lied. Knowing damn well, I'm going to sit my enlarged butt in front of the computer to look/add things to this list.
As we drove to find a place to eat. I banged my hand to my head "Oooooh, we forgot to get [Sister-n-Law's Name] a gift (She just had a baby). "I'm not going back. You go! I can't look at another baby related item again!" I said.
At that very moment, we passed another Baby Craptastic Store, A competitor of the one we just left. Hubby pulled in and we dragged ourselves out of the car.
"Let's get them a Gift Card." I suggested, after realizing that there's so much out there and everyone's tastes may be different. "Let them go pick out what they really want. Maybe, they'll want something with a Monkey."
"You want to look around for stuff for critter?" Hubby suggested. "Let's see if they have the stroller we want." Huh?!?!?! Is that my husband suggesting that? Where's my real husband? Did I leave him in the Jungle of bedding back there?
A quick glance through the store, we realized we liked their selection better. They had the stroller we want and many others that the competitor didn't. They had a lot nicer bedding than the last store. "Why didn't we think to look here before registering!?!"
Hubby suggested we come back to this store and register and eliminate the other registry. AGAIN I ask: Where is my real husband?!?!? And who is this kind man?
A few weeks later, we went to the 'Other Store' and registered. We spent two hours, we knew exactly what we wanted, having done it already. And this time I brought snacks to munch on while weeding through the jungle of animal prints to a bedding set we both like.
Before Hubby and I went to register I did some research on a few items. Let's face it, I am clueless when it comes to Baby Stuff. Sure I know they have strollers and car seats. But who knew there would be so many different ones out there. How do you pick one out? What kind? What brand? What are the different features?
Before I got pregnant, you get the kind of stroller that you plop the kid in and push....end of story.
Hubby didn't even want a stroller. "I'm just gonna strap the kid to my back and go." He declared. "Um, kids grow and get heavy." "Well, by then, it'll be walking." He saw no need for a stroller. We're big walkers and I know that we/I would use it extensively.
I stared searching on-line for strollers. HOLY MOLY! There are a lot. - Lightweight - Standard - Jogging - Travel Systems
I ruled out the lightweight (umbrella) strollers as they're not used for infants. Babies need to be in a flat position for back support. In a few years, I'll get one.
Jogging Strollers with tire wheels, hand-grip brakes, all terrain suspension system (something I wish our car had) was ruled out, well because neither one of us jogs. We live in NYC, if I need a suspension system to maneuver on the sidewalks, I'm not walking on the right streets.
Travel Systems (stroller that comes with a car seat that attaches to it) are very popular and standard strollers are my two options. And even in those two categories, there are lots to choose from.
I'm not into 'keeping up appearances', so the look was secondary to me. In my eyes all strollers (like cars) look the same. I looked at safety features first. Which strollers got the best ratings for safety? Stability is key for a stroller. I don't want to be taking the child out and it giving way and falling. No child of mine is gonna topple over on my watch! I also learned that a five point harness system (how the kid gets strapped in) is the best.
Here's the things to look for: Safety/Stability Harness System Handles - are they adjustable? if not are they at the right height for you Wheel placement - When walking do your feet hit the wheels Foldability - Is it easy to fold and unfold? Storability - Is it gonna take up most of the trunk space in a car? Weight - Can you lift it without getting hernia? Convenience Features - Basket (is it easy to get to?), snack trays, cup holders, sun shades, etc.
Strollers come in different price ranges from 'never thought I'd spend that $ on something and it's not a few pairs of shoes' to 'HOLT SH*T!! Why are there 4-digits before the decimal on that price tag???' Obviously, I eliminated the 'I need a bank loan strollers'
I made a list of strollers with the best ratings, pros/cons and in our price range and Hubby and I went to 'test drive' them.
The travel system stroller that gets the best safety ratings - Graco Quattro tour - was quickly ruled out. That stroller is built like a tank! Unless I transformed into Wonder Woman, there was not way I can lift it....to put into the car trunk. Call me a wimp, I don't care. In the past, I hurt my back lifting things....so get off my back!
Anyway, hubby hated the travel systems. He quickly gravitated toward the 'cooler' looking strollers.
Sheesh, I'm looking at safety, harness, etc. and he's looking at color and style! He really liked one stroller in particular. I didn't have it on my 'list' cause it's a three-wheeled rolling (jogging) machine. AND I DON'T, nor do I intend to JOG! He loved the foldability of it. I'll admit, no other stroller folds like it. "But, I don't know anything about this stroller. I didn't study it's safety rating or read reviews." I said. "But look how it folds! It's so cool." Hubby said as he folded and unfolded it 10x.
"Okay, don't break it. Let's go look at the Peg-Perego P3." In that class it gets top ratings/reviews. It's certainly not the cheapest stroller out there and not the most expensive either. At $330 it's the most I'm willing to spend on a stroller.
"How do you fold this thing?" Hubby exclaimed as he tried to squeeze the handle bars, press on the wheels, bend the base. He tried everything to fold it but unscrew and dismantle it. I found an employee to show us how it folds. It's a button on each handle bar, you squeeze them and press the stroller in. Hubby did it a few times. Weak me, couldn't press and squeeze at the same time :-(
"You can't fold it. I don't like it!" He belted. "That's it! We're getting the other one!" "But, but, but....Can I at least read up on it. I want to make sure it's safe. I want to read what other people have to say about it."
The reviews are in: It's a well liked stroller. Safety is excellent. It gets high marks in all categories except one: The seat doesn't come to a full upright position or lay fully flat. So you can't put a newborn in there unless they're in a car seat (which easily attaches to the stroller).
We went back and looked at it again and the P3. Besides the folding issue, I really like the P3 because the seat seems sturdier and lays flat as opposed to the stroller we're getting/putting on the registry.
Yes, Hubby is getting the stroller he wants. http://www.babyjogger.com/city_mini_sngl_dtl.aspx
I noticed, Halle Berry and Salma Hayek have the same stroller. I'm joining the celebrity trend.
Oh and on our way out of the store, we stopped in the Bugaboo corner. There's a reason, why they're called Bugaboo. When you see the price tags your eyes Bugout and you go Boo. Before entering that section, you go thru a credit check and leave a piece of ID at the front. Hubby wanted to know what makes those strollers $1,000. I kicked the wheels, tried to bent the handle bars, I pushed it over to see if it would bounce back on its own. Hubby tried to fold it, and tried again and again. What the heck, how do you fold this thing?? I think he broke something trying to fold it, but never figured out how. We concluded, when you want to fold/unfold a Bugaboo, you call the 'helpline' and someone comes and folds it for you. That's what you're paying for right?
Knowing the sex of the baby would help in shopping, that's for sure. Everything for babies is either pink or blue. There isn't much in unisex clothing, bedding, blankets, etc. It's annoying!!!
AND I don't care for either color (pink and blue). I hate seeing girls in head to toe pink. They look like a ball of cotton candy with arms and legs. And the baby blue color reminds me of hospitals and nursing homes....ugh!
Registering was not fun! Read more about our registering nightmare tomorrow.
Everyone is asking...... "What are you having? "Do you know if it's a boy or a Girl?"
We decided not to find out. There are only a few nice surprises in life, let this be one of them. And truthfully, it really doesn't matter to me either way what it is.
But people don't believe that we really don't know. They think we know and aren't telling. Do a lot of people opt to find out the sex beforehand? It just doesn't seem fun to me. Plus, I like people trying to guess based on my belly position/shape, cravings, etc.
Wives with tales say: If you can tell woman is pregnant from the back, it's a girl. If you can't tell a woman is pregnant from the back, it's a boy. If the belly is more round, it's a girl. If the belly is more pointy, it's a boy. If the woman is craving tangy, spicy food, it's a boy. If the woman is craving sweet food, it's a girl. If the father is gaining weight also, it's a boy. If you're glowing during pregnancy, it's a boy. If you're not looking so great, it's a girl. And so on and so on.
People are saying they can't tell I'm pregnant from the back. I'm craving spicy/tangy food AND sweet stuff. Some day's I'm glowing and some I look haggard. Hubby did gain some weight in the beginning of my pregnancy but recently lost it. CONFUSION!
I did this on-line quiz to see if the myths will tell me what my baby will be. http://www.childbirth.org/articles/boyorgirl.html
Result: 50% chance it's a girl and surprise...50% change it's a boy. DUH! I could have told them that.
Where exactly is this fetus growing? Just when I got used to my belly growing I looked down and around my belly to my thighs and OMG they've doubled in size!
"You need the extra weight in your legs to support the belly." Hubby rationally said. "Um, I wasn't toppling over with the legs I had before! AND my butt! It's a big bubble" I snapped. AND this week, I noticed my feet are getting wider. Is it swelling? Why do I have love handles on my toes? How do I stop this so I don't look like the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.
During an average pregnancy a woman should gain between 25-35 pounds. So far I've gained..... 30 POUNDS!!! And I still have 2-1/2 months to go.
Sure, I've been eating. I'm not eating for two, but for an army. Most of the time I try to eat healthy but I can't help wanting ice cream and more ice cream and more ice cream. What kid doesn't like ice cream and well, I've got a kid inside.
This morning at the Doctor's office, I saw another pregnant woman. She had the belly on AND she thin legs :-( I felt like Fudgey the Whale next to her. Speaking of; when is the ice cream break.
You're clothes are a bit snug. You look a little pudgy. And then at about 5 months you POP! And there's no stopping it now. You can't suck in your stomach or tuck it into a pair of jeans. No clothes will hide that belly
"You look so cute"
I do appreciate people saying that as opposed to "You look awful". But really, I think I look haggard. Is this the look of Motherhood? Tired, Beaten and Plump?!?!? So many women say they feel beautiful when they're pregnant. I want to slap them!
If I see Heidi Klum pregnant one more time and looking fabulous, I'm going trip her as she's walking down the runway.
* photo was taken recently at 6-1/2 months of this preggofest.
My stomach is growling, but I'm not hungry. OMG, is it gas?
Oh wait! That's not my stomach. It's a weird feeling the very first time you feel it moving inside. It's not so distinct that you can tell it's a kick or a punch, but more a rumbling feeling. It happens quickly and it's an instant pulse. Like you're stomach hiccuped.
The first couple of months you really don't feel anything cause there's so much room in there that it's basically floating around. In my fourth month, I started to feel the 'thumps'. At the end of my fifth month, the baby opened a Bella Karolyi Gym and is training for the 2026 Summer Olympics.
The high kick is it's specialty. It now spends hours practicing kicking. It'll 'run' from one end of my belly to the other and give me good swift kicks. Hubby has taken to playing with it. He'll tap my belly or push it in a little, and the critter will kick back. They have some kind of morse code going.
For the past week, we have been scrubbing the apartment. Okay, I'll admit I like things neat and tidy but maybe I've gone overboard this time. Two weekends ago, we cleaned out our 'home office' getting rid of stuff we thought we needed but haven't looked at in over 8 years.
"When in doubt, throw it out" was my chant through out the clean spree.
Last Thursday, we had the apartment painted and then last weekend, we spent scrubbing every inch till it glistened and putting things back in order.
The windows got a good scrub down, inside and out. I can finally see out of them and peak into our neighbors. I'm buying binoculars. The oven walls aren't caked with grime. The food in the refrigerator is doing a happy dance cause it so clean in there.
There's a few things that still need scrubbing. The blinds. I have to put them in the tub, put on my bathing suit and get soaking wet as I clean them.
The little critter better not be a slob! It's Mamma won't tolerate it.
The 20 week sonogram is the important one. If there is anything wrong with the critter, it'll show up now. I did, well actually they did it a few weeks ago.
The lights were dimmed, soft music in the background. I was expecting dinner before the movie. You expose your belly, they rub a little jelly. The wand presses against you and Critter is on the screen striking a pose.
The' technician' was looking at their screen and there was a monitor for me to see everything. She'd freeze frame an image and measure, measure again and type something. She moved to another part of the baby and another, always measuring and always typing. When she lingered on an image too long, I thought she had found something. Something odd.
I focused on the screen, trying to see if something didn't look right. But truthfully, everything looked strange to me. I've never had a baby before. I've never seen my insides before AND with a fetus in there.
OMG, what if she found something. A disease. A genetic imbalance. Something wrong with its organs. What is she typing?!?!?!?
I tried to ask questions, but I got the obligatory "Your doctor will share the results with you." Come on, can't you just give me a "Lookin' good in there."
I took math in school and can count. I know how to differentiate between days, weeks, months on a calendar. But yet, I can't figure out how many weeks I'm pregnant. And that's how you tell time in pregnancy, by weeks not months.
Every time I visit the Doctor, which is monthly. According to his calculations he always adds a week; making me more pregnant than I think I am.
On December 10th, he told me I was 13 weeks pregnant.
On January 20th (6 weeks later) he told me I was 20 weeks pregnant....uuuuum, where did the extra week come from?
On March 2nd (again 6 weeks later) he told me I was 27 weeks pregnant....another week added!
Heeeeello, Doc! What kind of a calendar are you using?
I realize a woman's body goes through changes while pregnant but.....
I CAN'T BREATH!
Why am I stuffed up? Is this baby growing at such a rapid speed that it reached my nasal passage? I walk a few blocks and am panting as if I got chased by the IRS and didn't want them to catch me. I'll lay in bed snorting through my nose trying to get air. I toss and turn hoping the stuffiness will go from one side to the other side of my nose.
I've started breathing through my mouth. And if I'm snoring in my sleep, I'm sorry if it keeps you awake at night little munchkin in me, but it's all your fault.
When a close friend of ours found out I was pregnant, she shrieked at the top of her lungs with excitement.
She asked: "Are you reading lots of books? When I was pregnant, I read everything. You have to read _____ and ______ and _______." (I don't remember the names she threw out). "This book had the best information and if you're going to breast feed, you need to read _______.
"um, I got one book (What to Expect When You're Expecting) that I've been referencing occasionally. I pick it up every couple of days, read a few pages to find out what I should be experiencing and then carry on my daily routine." "Aren't you curious what's going on inside you? Don't you want to know everything?" She asked.
OMG, I'm a bad parent already because I'm not reading every book on the subject of pregnancy and childbirth. I better crack open some books before child services knocks on my door.
A few days later, I got a package of books from our friend. So I start reading. Sure they're a wealth of information, but I'm finding that some things are too graphic for me. I took Sex Ed in school. I saw the video of the birth; which I wanted to forget about the rest of my life. I now don't want to read about cutting and stitching and bleeding and pain.
I haven't picked up the 'graphic' book in a while. I should. I want to be a good Mommy.
"You're eating for two now" And boy have I been eating!!
So far through out this pregnancy, I've gone through cycles of food lusts. Early on (1st trimester), I wanted Tater Tots and Tater Tots and Tater Tots. I resisted buying them cause, let's face it, we've all been brainwashed by Dr. Atkins to avoid starches.
We went to Hubby's sister's house for dinner. I walked into the kitchen to say hello to her as she was cooking. "Hi, How are y.....TATER TOTS!!" I belted out, as she used the spatula to turn them over in a pan. "I'm making them for the kids. Do you want some? Should I make some more?" "YES and YES!"
We sat down for dinner and I wolfed down a plate full of tater tots drenched with ketchup. Another sister-in-law asked "You're eating Tater Tots? That's not like you, you avoid potatoes at every corner." We hadn't told the family yet I was carrying a bundle so I kept stuffing my face with tater tots avoiding the question.
I want STARCH! and not to use to iron clothes. But Noodles, pasta, potatoes, etc.
I'm sorry Dr. Atkins to have failed you, but it really isn't me....The Critter inside is making me do it.
"It's so hot in here!" "Is it hot in here or is it me?" "Can you please open the window, I need air." Words I echo repeatedly.
All winter we kept the windows open in our apartment, and I'm not talking a crack. "Are the windows open?" I'd ask Hubby. "YES! They've been open for the past three months now pass the down comforter. It's chilly in here" "How can you be cold?" "Gee, I don't know maybe cause it's winter."
I realize during pregnancy a woman's body is changing and hormones are raging but do I really need to wake up in the middle of the night perspiring? "Why is my pillow soaking wet? I normally can't sleep without something covering me. Even in the summer, I need a light cotton blanket over me. I was too lazy to put away the down comforter and take out something lighter, plus I thought it would be cruel to hubby to only have a paper towel covering us. So I sleep with half my body uncovered.....one arm, one leg, etc. and every so often I turn so the other side is cool. How do pregnant women survive in the summer? I think I'd go up in flames.
At times I just want to rip all my clothes off and jump into a tub of ice cubes.
I was grocery shopping when all of a sudden I had this urge, this need, this want for pancakes. I'm going to resist. I'm not caving in to the little critter's every desire. It has to learn that it can't get everything in life. Today, it wants pancakes. Tomorrow, a new car.
I pushed the cart through the aisles, loading it with fruits and veggies, milk and juice. They say don't go grocery shopping when hungry. Was I hungry? Cause my mind kept going back to Pancakes. I could taste them in my mouth, the fluffy dough drenched with real maple syrup. I ran, almost tripping over my feet, to aisle #3 and grabbed the box that had the best looking pancakes on it.
I woke up the next morning, measured the pancake mix, beat the egg, added milk, etc. and sat down and devoured FIVE medium sized pancakes.
I had pancakes for breakfast for two weeks straight. What kind of a car do kids like?
"I feel nauseous." I repeatedly told Hubby. "Do you have to throw up?" He asked. "No." Maybe I'm one of the lucky baby carriers, but I didn't vomit during the first trimester. Not Once!! AND I could keep food down. However, I did have a 24-hour nauseous sensation tho. I couldn't stand the smell of certain things. No one knew I was packing (too early to reveal the info) so I had to hide my disgust when inhaling. The worst culprit was chicken. When I saw/smelled cooked or uncooked the flightless friend that I enjoyed eating baked, fried, curried; I wanted to put her feathers back on and send her marching to the hen house. It was difficult at my in-laws. How do I avoid eating chicken without insulting them? Maybe if I lower my head close to the plate, my hair will cover the food. Sure they'll think I'm ill mannered but they won't see my chickenless plate. Also when Hubby hugged me I had to hold my nose without him noticing. YES, I couldn't stand the smell of my own husband. Actually, it was his deodorant. All these years I was grateful he had good hygiene and rubbed a stick under his arms, but now I turned my head as soon as his arms went around me. I didn't have the heart to tell him but he caught on that I was holding my nose considering I'd have to come up for air every so often.
As soon as a doctor finds out you’re pregnant. They pull out their prescription pad and scribble something only a person behind a plastic laminate counter in the back of a ‘drugstore’ can comprehend.
“You need to take vitamins” Doc said.
I’ve heard of pre-natal vitamins. They supposedly make your hair and nails stronger and grow like wild fire. Call me vain, but I’m all for that!
I filled the prescription at my local spot, Brought the box home and opened it up to start taking the vitamins. The instructions were: Take one of each daily with a meal. Okay, I can follow directions.
BUT WHAT I CAN’T FOLLOW IS HOW TO OPEN THE DAMN THING!!!!!!
It says ‘Peel’. I dug my fingernail into the edge and I tried to ‘Peel’ goshdarnit! I know I’m not the stronger woman on earth, but I ain’t the weakest either! This should just require a simple ‘peel’ back of the paper NOT a membership to the Weightlifting Gym!
I ran to Hubby. “You want a healthy baby? PEEL!”
Well obviously Hubby isn’t strong enough to ‘Peel’ either cause he went to the kitchen, got a knife and made a slit in it and got the vitamins.
So now every morning after breakfast, I arm myself with a knife and stab where it says ‘PEEL’ and dig out the pills.
Doc: "How can I help you today?" Me: "What can you do for what's growing in my belly?" Doc: " Well, let's have a look."
He punched my name in the computer and 'POSITIVE' flashed on the screen in neon lights. Bells went off and ticker tape fell from the ceiling.
Doc: "Well well, you have a bun in the oven." Me: "That's the word on the streets."
He proceeds to ask me questions: "Is there a history of Diabetes in your family/" "No" High Blood Pressure?" No" "Breast Cancer? Do you smoke? Drink? On any prescription drugs?" "No. No. N.o No." "Are you using contraceptives?" "Now you tell me!"
He examined my nether region and then a magic want went on...and viola! On a portable TV screen my insides appeared on channel 4.
"Look at that. It's a baby." He sounded shocked. All I saw was a little pebble. "This is the head, the torso....." "Well if you say so. As long as you're certain it's a baby and not a gall stone."
He hit print and I now have to start a photo album of black and whites. I brought the 'photos' home and showed my husband. "Look! It's your offspring. It looks just like a Lima Bean."
We affectionately refer to it as 'Lima Bean' and 'Junior' and sometimes call it 'Lima Bean Junior' - LBJ for short.
While I Knew what the result of the pregnancy test would be, it was still shocking to hear “It’s Positive.”
“The Doctor will see you now. Get undressed and wear this plastic piece of paper with a rubberband for a waist tie. He’ll be right in.”
I kept my socks on. I didn’t have a pedicure and my toes would not have been a pretty sight against the metal stirrup without a splash of Bada Bing Cherry nail colour on them.
I tried to get on the exam chair. Why is it whenever I’m trying to get on the exam chair at a doctor’s office, I feel like a hobbit climbing Mount Doom. My legs never seem to reach to get a foot up. I can’t rear up onto it. I’d have to bend my knees, get a good lift off and hurl myself back onto the exam chair almost always hitting my head on the light. I can climb on face forward. But it always means having to turn around and catching the rolled paper protective thingy and it getting twisted between my thighs. When I finally turn around, I’d have to lift myself up and straighten out the protective paper. The paper rips.
I’m so uncoordinated. How on earth did I manage to get pregnant?
(This post is from November 2009 - Just trying to catch everyone up)
Well, Aunt Flo didn’t show up in November also! I decided not to take a test to determine if the human chorionic gonadotropin hormone (psst, that’s the pregnancy hormone) was present because I’ve missed Aunt Flo before and she showed up the month after.
But wait a second, she didn’t show up AGAIN, AND I started feeling nauseous....very nauseous. YIKES! There’s only one thing to do and that’s pee. I didn’t opt for the home pregnancy test. They claim to be 99% accurate but I really want 100% accuracy. So, I went to the doctor. I peed in the cup, handed it to the nurse and waited to hear what every woman who has unprotected sex either wants to hear or doesn’t.
