Baby Got Back (Pain)

When I started gaining pregnancy weight, I've been packing much Back, thanks to Baby! Sir Mix-a-lot would be happy.

What I didn't anticipate is packing back pain!

OMGosh Becky!
Look at my back.
It's so sore.
I feel like, one of those hunched over girls.
But, you know, who understands this back pain?
It only comes to me, because,
I feel like a total preggo, 'kay?
I mean, my back, it just so hurts.
I can't believe it's just so stiff, it's like,
out there, I mean - ouch. Look!
I'm just so ... in pain!

I'm tired of books
Saying back pain is the thing
Take the average preggo and ask her that
She packs much back (pain)

I want to Dial 1-900-FIXABACK
And kick these nasty pains.

I Forgot!

My memory isn't the best.
After I got pregnant, it' got worse.

The other day in reference to my memory, Hubby said: "I hope that while you're out, you don't ever forget to take the baby out of the car and take it with you."

How the heck does someone forget to do that?? I may have my ditsy moments, but I'm not an idiot. I think!?!
Critter is going to change my entire lifestyle and I believe me I'll remember that....and remember to grab Critter and drag it wherever I go.

Maybe to be on the safe side, I should get a tattoo on my hand "Take the Baby with You"

Laundress

"Don't buy clothes for the baby. Everyone will give you clothes." So many people said.

What if we don't get clothes? What if people give us clothes but weeks after critter is born?

We're not hippies, Critter can't be naked!
So, we bought a few things in neutral unisex colors. And when I say a few, I mean a few, cause there isn't much available in non-gender specific colors!!

I wanted to wash everything before putting it away. I took everything out of the packaging and made a pile of critter's laundry.

We live in a building and have a common laundry room that all the tenants use. Every week I go down there and do a few loads. They just redid the room and upgraded the machines to the HE ones. The room is bright, it's clean, it's nice.

Hubby saw the pile of baby belongings and said:
"I don't think you should wash them in the machines. You don't know what people put in there."
"um, I think they put their dirty clothes in and thru technology the clothes got clean." I replied.
"I think you should hand wash everything." He said.
"huh?!?!? Hand wash all these things?" I said, looking at the pile.
I do hand wash delicate things; like lacy undergarments, silk and cashmere items.
BUT cotton onsies?!?!?!?
"I'm serious. I don't want the baby getting a rash or a skin infection." He persisted.....and persisted...and persisted.

Not to argue, I disinfected the bathroom sink, just like I do before I wash delicate items and I started washing what seemed like doll clothing. I took one item at a time, soaked it; then I added some detergent and washed it, rinsed, then added detergent and washed it again; rung it and hung it on a drying rack.
I repeated the steps for more onsies, sleeping onsies, a few socks and hats.
I was exhausted after washing only a few items and I had many more things to wash; more onsies, receiving blankets, Co-Sleeper sheets, waterproof liners, etc.

ENOUGH!!! This is insane. He wants things hand washed, he can do it himself!!

I'm taking the rest of the stuff down to the laundry room and using the washing machines that EVERYONE (Yikes!) in the building uses!

Shhhh....don't tell Hubby.

Critter isn't a Lowlife

3 WEEKS TO GO!

Doc walked into the exam room today and Hubby and I bombarded him with questions.
Q: "If it's a boy who does the circumcision?"
A: He does.
Q: "One of the nurses said I have to take a Tuberculosis test. Why?"
A: No, I don't. And he's not sure why they would say that.
Q: "Are you scissor happy? Or will you let me labor thru this?" (Meaning will he be quick to perform an Episiotomy - which I don't want)
A: No. Unless there's a health risk to the baby. He believes in as natural a birth as possible.
Q: "Will you be opposed to me squatting during labor?"
A: I can do whatever I need to deliver this child. The bed reclines fully upright.

YEAH! YEAH!! AND ANOTHER YEAH!!!

He examined my innards.
"Is the baby breech?" He sounded alarmed. "Let's check it out."

He rubbed the jelly on my belly and put the wand to the mound and critter was on the screen.
"Okay, there's the head. In the right position. The baby hasn't dropped* yet."
"Is that bad?" I asked
"No. Just means you won't deliver anytime soon."

* During the final weeks of pregnancy, the baby drops in the belly to get ready to come out into the world. Well, mine has decided it's very comfy up in there and doesn't want to be a lowlife.

Got Milk?

***WARNING: Adult Content***

Before I got knocked up I really didn't know much about pregnancy. Actually, not sure I know much now either! But one of the things I thought happened during pregnancy was your TaTas filled up and became these huge jugs of milk. Thinking, they'll need to serve a real purpose now besides for Hubby's entertainment.

WRONG!!! Or at least not with mine.
Sure they've grown a little bit, but I thought I'd need two wheel barrels to put them in and push them around.

Mama's milk is the best source of nutrients for a baby AND is packed with substances that help a baby fight illness. There are also great benefits to the mother in fighting some cancers. Etc., Etc., Etc.
You can read all about it here:
American Academy of Pediatrics
Womenshealth.gov

I plan on nursing 'TLC' or I hope to... if I can.
But looking down at my food source, I'm not sure 'TLC' will have enough for one meal.
I mentioned it to a few mothers and they all said, not to worry, the breasts fill in with milk a few days AFTER childbirth.

uuuum, excuse me, pardon me, uuuuum, I have to ask...but....what am I supposed to feed The Little Critter the first couple of days???

Wake Up Call

The phone doesn't ring and there's a lovely recorded voice telling me to wake up.
My alarm clock doesn't go off alerting me it's time to rise and shine.

BUT every morning at 4:00am, my bladder sends a signal to my sleeping head. I do the 'Roll, Drop, Push', get on my feet and in the dark waddle to the bathroom, bumping into every wall along the way.

And then I try to go back to sleep only to toss and turn (okay, not turn cause now Hubby has to push me so I can turn) for two to three hours until 7:00am when Critter decides it's time to take a fork and spoon in its hands and start pounding my inner walls for breakfast.

This morning, the bladder alarm went off at 2:30am!!!! AND again at 4:30am!!! AND at 6:30am!!!
Is the end near?

Uncommon Sights

I never thought I'd live to see this sight.

There's a Co-Sleeper in our bedroom.
http://www.armsreach.com/shop-3/the-mini-6/


And a crib in the 'Nurserice', where our desk was.


We're slowly being overrun with baby paraphernalia.
My life will never be the same again.

Udder Butter

Doc moved the paper robe to expose my belly so he can rub the Critter viewing camera over it.

"No stretch marks." He said.
"I dip myself in a vat of Shea Butter every morning." I replied.
"Most people use Cocoa Butter. Why Shea Butter?" He asked.
"I read somewhere, it's better for stretch marks. I went up to Harlem and got a tub of it."
"The best thing for pregnancy stretch marks is Udder Butter." He responded.
"Huh. What's Udder Butter?" I quizzed.

He told me it's a lanolin based product used on cows udders to prevent chafing.

GREAT!!!! My doctor thinks I'm a cow!

Forty Days Later

Ever since Hubby and I got married over 10 years ago my mother has been pestering us to have a baby.
"Have some kids, it's good for your future."
"Why can't you get pregnant? Go to my doctor, maybe he can help you."
"Are you doing something not to get pregnant?"
"I'm knitting baby booties, so you better get pregnant soon."
She has said over the years to me or hubby.

When my mother found out I was pregnant, she cried, screamed, praised God and then told me not to have 'relations' (trying to keep it PG) with hubby, it may hurt the baby.

One Sunday we were at Mom's and Hubby was in the kitchen helping her.

She told him. "Forty days after this baby comes, you try to have another one".

Let the Memory Live Again

I opened the refrigerator and put the box of cereal away.
I opened the upper kitchen cabinet to get the milk.
I opened the dresser drawer and forgot what I needed to get.
I picked up the phone to call...now who did I just want to call?!?!?!?
I was holding a spoon and it slipped out of my hand.
I was going into the living room and walked into the wall.
I was walking out of the bedroom and bumped into the bed.

And so many more klutzy moments!

Gain a Fetus, Lose Your Mind!

Happy Mother's Day

My husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day.

Isn't it obvious.......I want food!!

I'm Down On My Knees

[THUD]

"What was that?" Hubby asked as he lay in bed facing away from me.
"What?"
"That noise. Did you fall?" He turned and had a concerned look on his face.
"I just got up."
"But what was that loud noise?"

So, I'm having a hard time maneuvering out of bed! We have a platform bed. It's closer to the ground then one with a box spring and mattress. I roll over to the edge of the bed, drop my knees to the floor (that's the Thud he heard and now hears every morning) and push against the bed with my hands to be able to get up on my feet.

I've been waking up in the middle of the night for a bathroom run, so I have to do the 'Roll, Drop, Push" method twice every morning!

[THUD]
[THUD]

I'm now wearing knee pads and fatigues to bed. I tell you....it's a battle!

Everyday it's a Gettin' Closer

WEEK 35!

"Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way"



I put on the paper robe and the tie wouldn't fit around my waist!
Doc comes into the room. "What do you have in there?" He asked pointing to my belly.
"You keep telling me it's a baby. Have you been lying to me all these months?" I responded.

He went over my results from last week's Sono. Everything is normal.
He examined my innards - Normal
He scanned Critter on the Screen - It was doing a tap dance.

"Okay, I'll see you in a week." He said.
"A week!!!!" I shrieked. "I have more dates with you than with my Husband."
"I'll bring flowers next time." Doc quipped.

Tour = Show

What does someone do when they go into labor?
Do you call your doctor? Call an ambulance? Do you go to the emergency room?



All these questions were answered when Hubby and I took a tour of the maternity ward (sounds like it's for psychos and I most likely will act like one when I'm there).

The' tour guide' insisted "DO NOT GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM". Okay, I didn't know that, it would have been the place I'd go.
"Come into the hospital and go directly to the Maternity Ward. If you can't make it up there, tell them at information and assistance will be provided."

They showed us the Triage area where they monitor the Morther's progress, ie. are you really ready for the spectacle or do you have a way to go.
Then we went into a 'Birthing Room'. It's a typical10X10 room with a stirrup bed that reclines up. So, this is where I'll forget all the relaxation techniques and scream my head off and curse the day I met my husband and blame all the pain on him.
Then we headed to look at the room that the entire family (40+ people) will invade to gawk at Critter while I try to rest.

Tour Guide said a few things that were comforting.
The Birthing Bed comes to an upright position. The most ideal position for birthing is upright. I read it in a book.
This hospital encourages an immediate bond with the baby and will give Critter to me right after delivery to feed. I was going to mention to my Doctor next visit that I wanted to do that, and am so happy it'll happen.

We need to pay for Critter's college somehow so we'll be selling tickets to the Birth.

Get a front row seat (okay, standing room only) to the action.
Time the contractions.
Take bets on how many curse words I'll say.
Sing songs to calm me down.
Join the fun.
RSVP now.

*Please note: NO videotaping allowed. You're not making a dime off my drama.

Updated on May 5th.
I forgot to mention that in the Birthing Room is a television for our viewing pleasure. GREAT!! Hubby and I will be fighting over the remote just like we do at home.
"I want to watch the Simpsons."
" Well, I want to see what's on HGTV!"

What's In A Name? That Which We Call....

Critter is going to be legally called Critter unless we come up with a name!
I didn't realize it would be so hard to come up with one; in our case two (boy and girl names).

Both, Hubby and I want an Arabic name for Critter. A name that's soft and beautiful, but yet has a powerful meaning. Both our names begin with the letter 'H', so we figured let's find a name that begins with 'H'. We can be H to the 3rd power.

I searched every website out there for Arabic names.
The lists weren't long in the H's.....
Hasmat - like Hazardous Material? um, No
Hamas - NO!!! that's bound to get Critter a butt whopping in school.
Can't pronounce that one.
I'm not even going to try to pronounce those.

Hubby likes a particular boy's 'H' name, which I don't. I've made fun of it in so many variations.
Let's face it, as Critter's mother, if I can't pronounce its name or can easily make fun of it, Critter has no chance of surviving in school.

I didn't come across one nice name beginning with H!!!!

Our last name begins with the letter 'M'. I thought it might be cool if we found a name beginning with the letter 'A', so it's initials can be AM and if we have another child we'll give it a name that begins with the letter 'P'.
They can be known as AM and PM.

We're moving on to other letters of the alphabet or we can name it after a fruit or something really odd and people will either think we're hippies, freaks or celebrities.

HAIR!

I had my 3rd trimester sonogram (probably my last) this morning.

I pull into the parking lot, get out, and tell the attendant that I'm only going to be about an hour. So they don't bury my car in another field or high up on those car lifts.

"Are you sure only an hour? It looks like you may be here for a few days cause you're about to pop." He said looking at my belly. And then he adds "I'm just kidding, mama."

Hey mister, I know I'm huge but 1) leave the jokes to the professionals and 2) don't quit your day job to be the opening act for Chris Rock.

Sonogram was routine. Zoom into that part, freeze frame, measure.

"The baby has curly hair." Sonogrammer said.
"Huh?"
She froze it on Critter's head and pointed out its hair. It was sticking up like a mohawk.

Muffin Feet

Lately, I've been wearing my most comfy 'ballet' flats. I've been alternating between a black leather pair and a black suede pair.

The other day, I come home, look down at my feet and the flesh was oozing out of the sides and top of my shoes. They've risen like muffins in a cupcake tray.

Later that night, I was laying on the sofa and looking at my feet and thought; why are Barney Rubble's feet on my legs?!?!?

Nurserice

Where am I going to put this Critter?

We live in a 2-bedroom, 980 sq. ft. apartment. It seems we don't have any space for another piece of paper, let alone another human being. We use our 2nd bedroom as our home office and every wall/corner is taken up by either a desk, file cabinet or bookcase.

I can put critter in our room with us, but Mommy and Daddy need privacy to hopefully give critter a critterly sibling.

If only we can figure out a way to hang the crib from the ceiling over the desk and when critter needs to take a nap/sleep, we press a button and it comes down. Critter gets in, press the button and viola! Crib goes up.
Hey don't judge. Look up in your own homes; there's lots of wasted air space.

I'm eying the file cabinet drawer. Measuring it. Mmmmmm, seems like the perfect size for a 20 inch baby.

Only one thing to do: Make room. We got rid of lots of things. Do we really need a Spain Travel Guidebook from2004? Garbage. We were able to eliminate one bookcase and rearranged the room so the office stuff is on one side.

Critter is getting half a room! That's plenty of space for a crib, dresser, changing table, play center, toy storage bins, etc. No?
Actually, Critter will only have a crib, a table and the closet in the room. When I talk into my belly to Critter, I repeat the famous words of the great modern architect Mies van der Rohe, "Less is More"
We decided to creatively partition* the room and critter is gonna have to learn to sleep while listening to us pound on the computer keyboard as we work.

We're not doing a 'theme' half-a-nursery. I see a baby room where everything is matchy matchy and every surface is covered in a princess or a steam engine motif and I want to barf! Critter's 'half room' aka 'Nurserice' is going to be a cute mix of eclecticism (translation - stuff we already have or will get at a bargain price).

We painted one wall a baby friendly yellow and the rest of the 'decor' we'll add to once critter arrives to let us know which sexist pink or blue color to accent with.

One thing I WILL NOT DO is a wallpaper border and critter will have to live the rest of its life knowing that its Mommy thinks wallpaper borders are tacky.

* creatively means: we haven't figure out how yet. I did see a curveable curtain rod in last year's Ikea catalog, but it's not in this year's :-(

Spice Girl

You can just call me Mamma Spice.

Through out, I've been craving spicy food! Bring on the chili powder, crushed red pepper, Tabasco sauce and chili paste. My husband's is Pakistani and there's no denying they cook spicy but he can't tolerate the really spicy food as much as I can now. I don't want burn your tongue spice but enough to give everything a kick....and I don't mean from Critter.

mmmmmm, I want Tater Tots dipped in Tabasco Sauce.

Rapper Name

Everyone should have a rapper name.

Critter spends a good part of the day rapping on my 'walls'.
The Little Critter is now affectionately 'TLC'