Last night after nursing Critter and him falling asleep, I laid with him and held him for a few. Since it was still early (9:30pm), I got up, went into the Nurserice (Critter hasn't slept in it yet) where Hubby was on the computer.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Trying to find a chocolate chip cookie recipe." He replied looking up at me. "Were you crying? What's the matter?" He asked.
"Nothing's the matter." I replied, my lips quivering. My mouth turned down into a pout and eyes welled up with tears and the flood gates opened. "I don't want him to grow up." I said sniffling up my words. "I want him to stay this age longer. Why does it have to go so fast? Why can't he be a baby for a bit longer." And on and on I said, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Hubby, got up, held me, trying to comfort me with words.
I seriously had a melt down.
When I was laying and holding Critter, I couldn't help but think about how fast time has gone by and how big he got and all the advancements he's made. I was holding him and crying because I don't want this stage to end. This infant stage. I seriously don't want him to grow up. Call me greedy and selfish, I don't care. I want to enjoy these precious baby moments for a longer time. The simplest things he does give me such great joy. The way he crawls. When he points at things. The babbling. His big goofy smile. His giggles. His ticklish spots, the way he chews, how he cries when we take him out of a playground swing, etc. etc. etc.
I really want the past 11 months to happen all over again. Not because I want to change things (okay, maybe a few things, only things with Hubby, not Critter) but I want to relive all the wonderful moments with my child. I want to experience them all again.
At the end of every day, laying in bed before I fall asleep, I reflect on the day, think about Critter and I can't believe the day is over. It wasn't enough time with him.
Why can't they stay this age for a few more years?
Remember when I held you tight
And I kissed you all through the night
Think of all that we've been through
Growing Up Is Hard To Do
That age is the best. Enjoy every moment because it sure does go by quickly.
ReplyDeleteI was with my sister recently when I remarked that it wouldn't be long before her two daughters (10 and 8)would be old enough to date and drive. She burst into tears at the thought of this. I think all mothers do this at every stage of their kids lives.
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