Baby Gear Warehouse

"I'm so excited for you. I want to get you something. Let them know what you want."

YEAH! I like presents.

So what's a woman 30 pounds heavier, always sweating, hungry and running to the bathroom every hour to do. Drag her 'non-shopping', 'dreads going into stores' husband to a Baby Gear Warehouse to NOT buy items, but to PICK them out.

On our way to 'Baby Gear Overload Store', I told Hubby: "You have to be patient during this process."

You fill out forms, they arm you with a scanner, shove a 'checklist' of 'must-have items' into your hand (One hundred and fifty three items on the list!), turn you around, sound the gun and off you go.

Hubby and I agreed we don' t want / need everything. I don't need a Footmuff - whatever that is, and a nursing stool - huh???. We just want the basic necessities. I HATE CLUTTER! We went up and down aisles, consulting the 'must-have list', selecting, scanning, arguing and arguing.

Since we don't know the sex of the critter, it was difficult picking out items. Most everything and I mean everything is gender specific based on color / pattern. WHY IS EVERYTHING PINK OR BLUE?!?!?!? There were very limited items in neutral colors. I got pissed, upset at society, hated the manufacturers and every sweat shop in China for making these things.

While the store was big, they didn't have the stroller we (really hubby) picked out. Huh?!?!? We previously 'test drove' it at a competitor. Well color me unhappy.

Section by section, we went through the store. Looking and selecting. I had no idea you can get a Tub Spout Cover, and guess what...I didn't register for one!

Crib Mobiles, they only had two to select from! What??? I want something bright and engaging, but not tacky and blares obnoxious music.
I didn't scan anything.

Bedding - YIKES! A fitted crib sheet, a ruffly thingie, a crib bumper and a baby size comforter for how much??? And why oh why are they sooooo ugly or should I say fugly! Again 90% of them were pink or blue!! So many had jungle themes. What is up with all the animal prints! And I'm not talking about cute little animals but huge HUGE prints. My goodness, the monkey's head is bigger than mine on the comforter. From a child's perspective that has to be scary. Heck, every time I turned around and saw that monkey looking at me, I jumped!
I was so sick of 'the monkey' that I wanted to go to the zoo and hunt it down.


Yep, you guessed it, we didn't register for a bedding set.

"Is this the only bathtub they have?" I yelled at Hubby. "They only have one to choose from! What kind of a democracy is this?"
"Why are you yelling at me, just scan it." He said aggravated. We had been in the store for three hours at that point and were both irked.
"It's your fault that you knocked me up and this tub is ugly. It doesn't even come with any toys, not even a little rubber ducky. Every kid needs a rubber ducky!" I cried as I reluctantly scanned it. "Where are the rubber duckies? I need to register for one!"

"I'll buy the stupid rubber duck later. Are we done?" Hubby insisted

Five hours of drudging through pink, blue and occasionally unisex crappy items that we "settled" for; 6 bathroom runs later, hunger pangs from lack of food except the crackers I found buried in my purse, I wanted to be done.

I flung the scanner at the smiling woman behind the counter
"We're done." I barked.
"Did you find everything, you were looking for?" Smiling employee said perkily.
"Nope, and there's a monkey loose in bedding. We're tired and will come back and finish registering." I lied. Knowing damn well, I'm going to sit my enlarged butt in front of the computer to look/add things to this list.

As we drove to find a place to eat. I banged my hand to my head "Oooooh, we forgot to get [Sister-n-Law's Name] a gift (She just had a baby). "I'm not going back. You go! I can't look at another baby related item again!" I said.

At that very moment, we passed another Baby Craptastic Store, A competitor of the one we just left. Hubby pulled in and we dragged ourselves out of the car.

"Let's get them a Gift Card." I suggested, after realizing that there's so much out there and everyone's tastes may be different. "Let them go pick out what they really want. Maybe, they'll want something with a Monkey."

"You want to look around for stuff for critter?" Hubby suggested. "Let's see if they have the stroller we want."
Huh?!?!?! Is that my husband suggesting that? Where's my real husband? Did I leave him in the Jungle of bedding back there?

A quick glance through the store, we realized we liked their selection better. They had the stroller we want and many others that the competitor didn't. They had a lot nicer bedding than the last store.
"Why didn't we think to look here before registering!?!"

Hubby suggested we come back to this store and register and eliminate the other registry. AGAIN I ask: Where is my real husband?!?!? And who is this kind man?

A few weeks later, we went to the 'Other Store' and registered. We spent two hours, we knew exactly what we wanted, having done it already. And this time I brought snacks to munch on while weeding through the jungle of animal prints to a bedding set we both like.

Oh and guess what, it does have animals on it!